


Language and Feeling

by euseevius



Series: Words and Language, Intention and Feeling (fem viktuuri au) [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Depression, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Genderbending, basically a rewrite of yoi where viktor and yuuri are women, fem!Viktuuri, some minor things changed from canon but the most important remains: oh my god they are soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euseevius/pseuds/euseevius
Summary: “I'mgay,” Viktoriya sighs and presses a hand over her heart.“Same,” Chris says, purely out of habit, not even stopping to think before - “Wait. Katsuki?”Viktoriya turns to look at Chris with betrayal written all over her face. “Who else? I don't see any other literal goddesses here.”Viktoriya Nikiforova keeps winning and winning andfeeling nothing. Then -  - Yuuri Katsuki comes into her life.(Part of a series, but can be read on its own.)
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: Words and Language, Intention and Feeling (fem viktuuri au) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/651161
Comments: 13
Kudos: 97





	Language and Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> i'm BACK?? after _three years_?? it's more likely than you think. 
> 
> this piece has literally been sitting in my files, unfinished, for the past three years. then i rewatched yoi like two weeks ago, and now i'm here. finally with viktoriya's pov. enjoy!

Wake up before the sunrise. Watch Makkachin breathe peacefully in his sleep. 

Rise up when the alarm goes off. Make tea and drink it.

Go for a run.

Eat breakfast, healthy and balanced.

Go to practise.

Practise. Choreograph. Practise.

Eat lunch, healthy and balanced.

Choreograph. Practise. Choreograph.

Go home.

Eat dinner, healthy and balanced.

Walk Makkachin.

Make tea and drink it. Maybe stare at a wall for a bit.

Go to sleep.

***

_Rinse and repeat._

***

Viktoriya Nikiforova takes gold at Skate Canada International.

***

_Rinse and repeat._

***

Viktoriya Nikiforova takes gold at Rostelecom Cup.

***

_Rinse and repeat._

***

Viktoriya Nikiforova takes gold at Grand Prix Final.

***

It’s....

***

(Nothing.)

( _It feels like nothing_.)

***

...unsatisfying.

***

Viktoriya stands on that podium with a gold medal around her neck, smiling at the flashing cameras. Mila is standing on her right side, and Sara Crispino is on her left. They both look proud of themselves, stealing happy little glances at each other while trying to keep focused on the cameras and the audience.

Viktoriya feels nothing.

***

“ _Vik_ ,” Chris says, stretching the _i_ and emphasising the _k_. He’s in a good mood, but that’s to be expected. He _did_ just win gold in men’s singles. “I’ve mingled with sponsors, you’ve mingled with sponsors. It’s time to part- _ayy_.”

Chris drapes his arm over Viktoriya’s shoulder and gives a very disgusting and extremely _wet_ kiss on her cheek. Viktoriya pushes him off of her. “ _Stop_.”

“You’re _smiling_ ,” Chris singsongs, stretching the _i_ ’s again.

“What on earthdo you have against sensible use of the letter _i_?” Viktoriya asks, but the corners of her lips _are_ being pulled up. Chris pokes her right between her ribs.

“‘ _Sensible use of the letter_ i’...” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “Do you _hear_ yourself? You’ve become boring, _granny_.”

“Ouch.” Viktoriya presses a hand over her heart. She carefully forces her expression to remain completely deadpan. “That really hurt me, Chris. How could you insult a nice, old lady like me? Have you no shame?”

“You know I don’t,” Chris winks and kisses Viktoriya’s cheek again. This time with even wetter lips. “Now, let’s get some champagne in you, and then we can dance for a bit, and maybe someone posts a photo online and people will forget I’m taken and we’re both gay.”

Viktoriya snorts, but lets Chris drag her towards the drinks table. It’s been a while since the last time people thought they were a thing. Maybe a new rumour about her love life is what Viktoriya needs to have _something_ exciting in her life again.

It’s a good idea. Or if it isn’t, it’s at least worth a try.

***

Except there’s no champagne.

***

(How the fuck is there no champagne? It’s a banquet. It’s not like anyone drinks more than two or maybe three glasses--)

(--except that someone has.)

***

Someone whispers in a scandalized tone that a young Japanese woman has apparently drunk not two or three, but _sixteen_ glasses of champagne.

_No wonder it’s all gone then_ , Viktoriya thinks absentmindedly as she turns away from the drinks table with a sigh. There’s no alcohol and she’ll have to just deal with it.

“Oh, it’s Yuuri Katsuki!” Chris says, sounding delighted. Viktoriya raises her eyebrows at him, and Chris points at the other side of the room. “The young Japanese woman who’s the reason all of the champagne is gone? Yuuri Katsuki.”

“Who?” Viktoriya asks as she turns to look at where Chris is pointing.

And.

She sees _her_.

***

Cheeks flushed and a bottle of champagne in her hand, Yuuri Katsuki is the most beautiful woman Viktoriya Nikiforova has ever seen.

***

No. Scratch that.

***

Cheeks flushed and a bottle of champagne in her hand, Yuuri Katsuki is the most beautiful woman _anyone_ has seen. 

Ever. 

In the history of universe, probably.

***

“ _I'm gay_ ,” Viktoriya sighs and presses a hand over her heart.

“Same,” Chris says, purely out of habit, not even stopping to think before - “Wait. Katsuki?”

Viktoriya turns to look at Chris with betrayal written all over her face. “Who _else_? I don't see any other literal goddesses here.”

“No, I just-” Chris shakes his head. “You don't usually go for other skaters.”

Viktoriya looks back at Yuuri Katsuki. She has challenged Yuri in a dance-off of some sort, and seems to be winning.

Of course, in Viktoriya's books Yuuri Katsuki wins just by existing.

***

“I think I can make an exception for this one.”

***

And _oh boy_ , does she ever.

***

Yuuri Katsuki wipes the goddamned floor with Chris in a pole-dance-off. Viktoriya hasn’t been more turned on in her _life_.

Yuuri Katsuki is wearing Chris’ tie and shirt over her practical sports underwear - she claimed them as her prize for winning him - and it’s a little too easy to imagine that those are _Viktoriya_ ’stie and shirt. And from there - - it’s _way too easy_ to imagine all sorts of other things.

Viktoriya is pretty sure she’s going to explode if this gets any crazier.

***

Spoiler alert: It gets. And she doesn’t.

***

(It’s a close thing, though.)

***

(Really, really, close.)

***

_Dear God_ , Viktoriya thinks helplessly as Yuuri Katsuki drags her on the dance floor by the tie and proceeds to practically grind on her, _I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but it must have been something pretty good, so… You’re welcome._

Then practically grinding turns into definitely grinding, and Viktoriya loses all capability to form any thoughts at all.

***

“Be my coach, Viktoriya!”

***

Damn. 

***

_Damn._

***

(She hasn’t felt this _alive_ in years.)

***

(Possibly ever.)

***

( _Definitely_ ever.)

***

“So let me get this straight,” Chris says when they are getting brunch together on the morning after the banquet, “you met ‘the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen’ and ‘the love of your life’ last night, and you didn’t even get her _number_?”

Viktoriya groans miserably into her coffee.

“You’re a fucking disaster, Nikiforova.”

“Says the man who pole danced at the damn banquet last night.”

“With _the love of your life_ ,” Chris singsongs, once again stretching the _i_ in _life_. “Anyways. Want me to get her number for you? I’m pretty sure me and her rink-mate follow each other on insta.”

Viktoriya smiles at Chris. He really is the best best friend a gal could ask for, his disrespect for the letter _i_ notwithstanding. “No thank you. I’ll see her at Worlds, and ask then. I’ll make it a whole thing. Romantic, you know?”

“Whatever you say, Vik.”

***

It’s a good plan, Viktoriya thinks. Waiting for the Worlds and surprising Yuuri Katsuki there with - with - - something grand and romantic, like - - 

A bouquet? A completely new skating piece dedicated just for her? A - -

Well, she might not have that part of the plan figured all out yet, but it’s fine. She has time. It’s a good plan.

***

_Except._

***

Yuuri Katsuki flunks her Nationals.

***

Yuuri. Katsuki. Flunks. Her. Nationals.

***

Viktoriya doesn’t get it. Since the banquet, she’s been watching videos of Yuuri Katsuki skating pretty much all of the time she isn’t skating herself, and she just doesn’t _get_ it.

Sure, Yuuri Katsuki might not have a quadruple flip up her sleeve like Viktoriya does, and her nerves seem to get the best of her at competitions from time to time, but _still_. Yuuri Katsuki spins like _a god_ , and don’t even get Viktoriya started on those damn _step sequences_. Those could make a living skating legend with four consecutive World Championships under her belt weep from jealousy and admiration.

(And maybe with just a hint of horniness. But that’s neither he nor there.)

The point is, she doesn’t get it.

***

Doesn’t really matter what she gets and what she doesn’t, though, does it?

***

She wakes up before the sunrise. Watches Makkachin breathe peacefully in his sleep. 

Rises up when the alarm goes off. Makes tea and drinks it.

Goes for a run.

Eats breakfast, healthy and balanced.

Goes to practise.

Practises. Choreographs. Practises.

Eats lunch, healthy and balanced.

Choreographs. Practises. Choreographs.

Goes home.

Eats dinner, healthy and balanced.

Walks Makkachin.

Makes tea and drinks it. Stares at a wall for a bit.

Goes to sleep.

***

_Rinse and repeat._

***

***

(Rinse and _fucking_ repeat.)

***

Viktoriya Nikiforova takes her fifth consecutive World Championship.

***

It still feels like nothing.

***

It all feels like nothing.

***

She sits on her couch, Makkachin a heavy weight on her lap, and just. Stares at the wall.

It feels like nothing and she’s so _tired_. 

Tired of constantly trying to surprise everyone and herself and still. Feeling. Nothing.

***

She has a short program choreographed for next season, but what if - _what if_ \- there isn’t next season? What if she just. Retires? Now, here.

***

(She won’t. Wouldn’t. Shouldn’t. Yakov wouldn’t like it, and besides, what could she even do instead?)

***

(Anything.)

***

( _Nothing._ )

***

She sits on her couch, Makkachin a heavy weight on her lap, and stares at what Chris has messaged her.

It’s a video of Yuuri Katsuki skating.

There is no music, but Viktoriya recognises the choreography immediately.

It’s _hers_.

Yuuri Katsuki is skating her program. Yuuri Katsuki is skating _Stay Close To Me_.

***

It feels like a sign. _More_ than a sign, an invitation. A _plea_.

***

(“ _Be my coach, Viktoriya!_ ”)

***

Viktoriya packs her bags, gives her dramatic goodbyes to Yakov, and gets on the first plane to Japan.

(She gets Yuuri Katsuki’s address from her Wikipedia article, where it says her parents own a hot spring resort in Hasetsu.)

It’s all a bit blurry, to be honest, the trip from Saint Petersburg to Yu-Topia Katsuki. And the first meeting with Yuuri Katsuki after the banquet. One moment she’s at her apartment in Russia, and the next she’s standing up in a hot spring - -

***

“Yuuri, starting today, I’m your coach.”

and

“I’ll make you win the Grand Prix Final.”

and 

a _wink_.

***

She regrets that wink later, when she’s cuddling Makkachin and trying to fall asleep mere rooms apart from Yuuri Katsuki. She knows she has a tendency to go a bit overboard, sometimes, and apparently that isn’t the way to romance Yuuri Katsuki.

It’s okay, even though Viktoriya is a little bit hurt and confused about the change from Yuuri Katsuki at the banquet to Yuuri Katsuki at Hasetsu at first.

It’s okay, because - -

***

At some point, during that summer of “I want to eat katsudon with you” and “I want you to stay who you are”, Yuuri Katsuki becomes just Yuuri.

And even if Viktoriya had fallen instantly in love with the radiant Yuuri Katsuki dancing at the banquet after the Grand Prix, it’s this soft yet determined Yuuri she really _loves_.

This Yuuri, who is both nothing what Viktoriya imagined, and so, _so_ much better.

This Yuuri, who - for some inconceivable reason - has problem seeing herself as sexy all the while Viktoriya is _dying_ , wanting her, but also wanting to respect the pace Yuuri has set. 

(It’s alright, really, they aren’t in a hurry, not really. Viktoriya knows the tension between them could be cut with a knife, knows there’s even better things building between them. Like _trust_.)

This Yuuri, who may lack confidence, but never passion.

This Yuuri, who sleeps late and lashes out when frustrated.

This Yuuri, who is slow to open up, but who, once she does, always has something profound to say.

***

_This Yuuri._

***

( _Who makes her feel alive._ )

***

It’s not all perfect, of course.

Viktoriya is new to coaching, new to all of this.

Yuuri is insecure and anxious.

Sometimes they mess up. Viktoriya pushes too far or too fast. Yuuri stays at an arms’ length or even farther. They clash when they mean to comfort. Get hurt instead of mending each others’ hurt.

So often they simply lack the words, _the language_.

But.

What they do have, is the intention, _the feeling_.

***

(Oh, the feeling.)

(After so long of feeling nothing, feeling _this_ is…)

***

They keep trying, keep trusting.

***

(... _everything_.)

***

The skating season brings its own difficulties.

They mess up at the Cup of China.

Viktoriya pushes too far _and_ too fast, and Yuuri stays so far behind her walls, that Viktoriya doesn’t know what to do.

But it doesn’t matter.

Because.

Yuuri jumps and Viktoriya runs.

They don’t have the words, the language - not yet. But theyhave the intention, the feeling. They try and they meet in the middle.

And Yuuri keeps surprising her.

(Over and over again.)

***

(After so long of trying to surprise everyone over and over again, it feels so good, so _relieving_ , to be the one who gets surprised.)

(It’s a pressure lifted off of her, replaced by - - )

***

_Yuuri._

***

They kiss for the first time, both of them running for it and meeting in the middle.

There are cameras flashing and hard ice under Viktoriya’s knees, but she couldn’t care less. 

No.

Scratch that.

She couldn’t care _more_.

Because Yuuri is looking up at her, with a wonderful smile on her lips. Her lips, _which she just kissed_. Kissed, because what else could she have done.

***

It’s the best moment of her life. 

***

Or it is until a couple weeks later, when she gets to wake up in Yuuri’s room on Yuuri’s chest, when the sun is just starting to rise, and Yuuri is still asleep. Slightly snoring and her hair all tangled up, breath smelling five kinds of disgusting.

Viktoriya has never loved anyone more.

***

“I _thought_ that only a Russian would be stupid enough to hop into a pool at this time of the year.”

Viktoriya turns in the water and grins up at Chris. “Other than you, right?”

“Other than me,” Chris confirms and slips into the pool next to Viktoriya. “So. Whats up with you, Coach? I feel like we never talk anymore.”

“Shut up,” Viktoriya splashes some water at Chris’ face. “We FaceTimed _last week_.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chris waves a hand dismissively. “But that was _with_ the love of your life. We never talk just _the two of us_ , anymore. And I want deets, man, _deets_.”

Viktoriya snorts. “I’m not sharing my sex life with you, Chris.”

“A-ha! So you admit there _is_ a sex life!”

Viktoriya just stares at Chris.

“Okay, okay, keep your secrets,” Chris laughs, and then turns more serious. “I’m happy for you. So happy. A year ago, you were…”

He trails off.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Viktoriya agrees. “I was.”

***

(Sometimes she thinks back to that eye-opening banquet, and can’t believe where she is now, a year later.)

***

(That’s why she goes more than willingly, when Yuuri drags her into a jewellery shop.)

***

_“It’s almost like a marriage proposal,”_ Viktoriya remembers saying not too long ago. But she hadn’t dared to even _dream_ about - -

Yuuri slips a gold ring on Viktoriya’s ring finger, and Viktoriya slips one on Yuuri’s.

Who needs words and language, when they have _this_. A promise, and a prayer.

_I will stay with you as long as you want me._

_Please, let that be forever._

***

They have the intention, the feeling.

They meet in the middle.

***

(Identical rings. Near-identical prayers.)

***

(Don’t leave me.)

(Stay with me.)

***

Even engagement isn’t a magical fix-it all.

It’s not a gold metal after a competition, it isn’t a goal you reach and then can just retire and reap the rewards. That’s not how life works. 

Life requires constant work. It’s moments you share with the people you love. Moments you can look back on, later, when you’re old and bald. It’s constant effort to make more of those moments with them, and to really _remember_ those good moments. Even when what you feel is nothing.

( _Especially_ then.)

***

Even engagement isn’t a magical fix-it all.

It doesn’t stop you from messing up.

It doesn’t stop Viktoriya from smacking Yuuri’s hand away in anger when Yuuri tells her she wants to retire until it’s _way too late_. It doesn’t make them immune to misunderstandings or grant them perfect means of communication.

It doesn’t grant them the words and language.

***

(“You want to skate again. I know you do.”)

(“How can you ask me to return when you’re retiring?”)

***

Even engagement isn’t a magical fix-it all. It doesn’t stop you from messing up.

But it does remind them of their shared promises and prayers. Of the intention. The _feeling_.

Encourages them to keep trying.

***

(“Stay with me. For one more season. _Together_.”)

(“Okay.”)

***

“You broke my world record, huh?”

“Sorry,” Yuuri says, but she doesn’t look sorry at all. She is grinning, and a few strands of her hair are still glued to her forehead with sweat.

Confidence is such a good look on her.

“Don’t be,” Viktoriya says, and kisses her damn fiancé.

***

Yuuri wins a gold metal for Viktoriya to kiss, and watching Yuuri stand on that podium feels a million times more meaningful than any of the medals Viktoriya has ever won.

***

(“Stay with me. For one more season. _Together_.”)

(“Okay.”)

***

“We should have a spring wedding.”

***

(“Spring wedding? Are you sure?”)

(“Isn’t Japan prettiest in the spring?”)

(“Oh, so we’re getting married in Japan?”)

(“I thought that was the plan all along? Live in Russia, get married in Japan.”)

***

( _It is_.)

***

Wake up before the sunrise. Watch Makkachin and Yuuri drool on each other.

Let Yuuri press the snooze button three times before kissing her shoulder and forcing her to get up. Make tea and drink it. Make coffee for Yuuri to drink.

Go for a run together.

Eat breakfast, healthy and balanced. Kiss Yuuri when she’s finished loading the dishwasher. 

Go to practise together.

Coach. Flirt. Practise. Coach. Flirt. Choreograph.

Eat lunch, healthy and balanced. Sit on Yuuri’s lap and steal some of _her_ healthy and balanced lunch.

Choreograph. Bicker. Coach. Practise. Flirt. Coach.

Go home together.

Eat dinner, healthy and balanced. Have some dessert. Kiss Yuuri when her mouth tastes like chocolate or strawberries or chocolate _and_ strawberries. 

Walk Makkachin together.

Make out on the couch. Watch a movie together. Make out some more.

Go to sleep. Wrap arms around Yuuri’s waist and kiss her goodnight.

_Love her._

(At all hours of the day.)

***

_Rinse and repeat._

**Author's Note:**

> i also have other unfinished pieces to this series sitting in my files, but seeing as finishing this one took me three years, i'm not making any promises. feel free to hit me up in the comments or [that one valentine's day](http://puukkolesbo.tumblr.com/>on%20my%20tumblr</a>%20and%20yell%20about%20these%20gals.%20maybe%20that%20will%20get%20me%20to%20finish%20the%20other,%20less%20angstier%20and%20more%20thirstier%20fics.%20i%20mean,%20there%20is%20still%20many%20things%20i%20haven't%20said%20about%20viktoriya%20and%20chris'%20legendary%20gay%20frienship%20and%20viktoriya%20and%20yuuri's%20retirement%20days%20or%20<a%20href=)..........


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